So I am very confused about this whole dating thing. I am so used to being the number one priority in Paul's life that I find hard to be last priority over everything else. The only thing I believe I should be after in that list is someone's children. This could just be because it is still a budding relationship and I will be 2nd priority always once I gain the love behind his heart that's barracaded. It's definitely an adjustment. I found myself competing with other things for time and didn't like myself for being so emotionally wrecked by this. I have decided that I will not stress anymore and use the "if it comes back to you" theory. If I don't become priority and somewhat soon I deserve more and will get more easily elsewhere. I hate games. I like honesty and I strive for it. I just can't always rearrange my life to fit into someone else's as much as I want to spend time with him if he isn't even trying back. It feels like someone who isn't into me and is selfish on his part. I can't have someone constantly thinking I am guilting them to spend time with me or manipulating them or playing games when I am just being truthful about my feelings. I am too nice, too innocent, too old and too sensitive to do any of that crap. I don't like baggage and past girlfriend's bad characteristics being placed on me. I also don't like banging up against people's emotional walls. I am an open book. I tell things as they are and don't like holding back my feelings. I think it is important in a relationship. Just like me for who I am. Accept me. I am an amazing person and I am not trying to convince myself of that I know that. I am beautiful inside and out. If you don't appreciate me someone else will. Stop trying to let things sort themselves out because you don't want to make waves or disappoint someone. Just man up and make a decision. Any decision on anything. People will get over it. If you feel bad you committed to something you don't have time for, then tell them. Don't waste people's time or people's money or hurt those people closest to you while making up your mind. Don't ignore them while they are growing into adults by not giving them your time. Don't let someone else make the decision for you by ending it for you because you can't get the balls to say I can't do this. Don't take it out on me just because you can. Also, if you keep choosing something you don't even want to do anymore over me constantly you will lose me because it shows I mean less than something you don't like. That will be your doing. Hence the song Stuck in a Rutt by Stereophonics. The song from Pink with Nate that also gained the half the title of this post reminds me of hope and what I would like to happen. Let's wait and see.
P!nk and Nate Ruess - Just Give me a Reason
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Here is what the whole post is about ...
Stuck in a Rutt by the Streophonics
You make do with your lot,
You got a choice to make,
You gotta follow your gut,
Your heads in a state,
You're stuck in a rut,
You're wasting days,
Time don't wait so..
What you've got is long gone
Draw a line in the sand
Your poker face is shot
I can see through your hand
Stop lying to yourself
Gotta make new plans
Time don't wait for no man
You're stuck in a rut and your life is forgotten
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