Perpetually sad

Ever since the unveiling and the BBQ were over, I have felt perpetually sad.  I can't seem to snap out of it.  It's similar to last year when the Shiva was over and all the distraction is taken away.  I must face the cruel reality once again that I will never see Paul's face again.  I will never hear his voice.  I will never smell or touch him.  The closest thing is all the clothes left in the closet I can't bear to move or the pictures on the wall.  I can't imagine any day when those things won't still be there.  Maybe I am waiting for the impossible that if I keep them, he will be back for them.  I don't know, but I am so very sad.  I miss him and I miss Marvin. I will never understand why.