Dead to Me

I am extremely upset today.  The birth of a child is miraculous and a gift.  It isn't supposed to make someone so upset they can't function.  It is a Jewish tradition to name a child after a deceased family member.  Paul's both parents are deceased as well as him.  His niece's first son was named after the husband's (who the husband is Italian and not part of the naming tradition) grandfather and a grandfather on the paternal side that the niece never met and who was supposed to not be very nice.  This was instead of grandparents on the maternal side that loved them (not to mention the grandmother, Paul's mother, was a Haulocaust survivor) and a paternal grandmother that they did know and loved and both grandmothers shared the same initial A.  When Paul was alive, he was so upset, he didn't see the child or attend the Bris (though we did send a gift with his sister Iva).  he would have calmed down but he didn't get the opportunity.  I didn't go becasue of Paul's hurt and because I had to work and they gave me no prior notice.  Paul died without ever meeting his grandnephew.  I met him at Paul's burial.  I also met the grandnephew at a Jewish holiday and it made me cry watching them as a happy family as I was miserable.  They seemed so not affected by Paul's passing though Paul tried so hard to be a good uncle even though there was only like 10 years age difference between the two.  Anyway, the new son was born and I myself told his niece why Paul didn't see the nephew.  Though it maybe considered petty by an outsider, Paul was extremely hurt and distraught that they didn't name the son after anyone on the maternal side.  Especially when we all discussed names with A and how important it was to him/us before the baby was born.  So once the new baby was conceived and the due date was announced to be Paul's birthday, I got extremely upset and so did Iva, so much so that Iva told her sister that if the baby comes on Paul's birthday and isn't named after Paul she is done with them.  I tended to agree.  Then, I prayed that the baby wouldn't come on Paul's birthday so that they could celebrate every year when I was in utter dispair.  They didn't desrve his good name.  I and Iva just hoped and prayed the baby would come another day and it would be named after one of the maternal grandparents, even if a middle name.  Well, I stayed up well past midnight on Paul's birthday to 3am and then when there was no call the next morning I breathed a sigh of relief.  The baby was born today.  A message was left on Iva's answering machine and it was mentioned that the baby was not named after Paul on the message and the name is Matthew...M...the same initial used last time for the last baby.  I am done.  I am now done releasing my grief in words, now I will continue expunging with tears.  Paul, if he were still alive, would have never spoken to his niece again if she didn't name now the second son after his parents.  Call it petty.  Call it what you wish, but when Paul was done he cut you off.  He was loyal to a fault, but when he was betrayed, he never forgot.  I have to do what he would have wanted me to.  I am going to rewrite what was our will today.